Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Getting back into it

It's been a hot minute since I wrote my last post.. and for reasons I was ashamed to confront.  I had set some lofty health goals last month, but I kept failing at them.  Instead of burning off the weight, I found myself in the corner of my room each night, ashamed of the cookie crumbs lining my clothes and furniture.  Chocolate, sugar, ginger, green tea, molasses... you name it, I scarfed it down - not just one or two, but as many as were available - each time, allowing food's momentary high overwhelm my inner goals and pursuits, and blind me from my real feelings.  I kept finding solace, comfort and an unhealthy friendship in food, and it wasn't until I saw an episode on another emotional eater on TV that I finally realized my comfort isn't my true priority; it is my health and self-esteem that are priorities.  It's not selfish or silly to dedicate so much energy and time to these pursuits, because I need this for myself.  I'm realizing that I might have lost weight the last time by chance but this time, it's going to be through hard work, sweat, pain and true discomfort. And when I finally fit into my skinny jeans at age 30, I will know it was worth it.

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